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Me Hài Ola Cập Nhật Ngày 1/04/2016

Ngoài đường cảnh sát đang rượt theo tên cướp nhà băng:

-Cảnh sát: Đứng lại!!!!

-Tên cướp nói từ xa vọng lại:

_ngu j???đứng lại cho bị bắt àk

——————-

Vấp Ngã …không phải là ..Thất bại…

.

Chỉ là..

.

Giả vờ…nằm lại ..cho đỡ mỏi chân…

——————

kanguru chồng hỏj kanguru vợ:

– con mình đâu rồi em?

nãy đi xe buýt bị móc túi rồi

—————–

Cô giáo: Ng khôn ngoan luôn biết nghi ngờ… còn ng ngu dốt lúc nào cũng chắc chắn

Hs: Thưa cô! Cô chắc chứ?

Cô giáo: Chắc chắn

—————-

Gái có bồ như hoa có chủ

_Anh hùng thật sự phải biết đánh chủ giật hoa !!

_Trai có bồ như hoa có chậu

_E nào thâm hậu thì đập chậu cướp hoa

—————–

Đề kiểm tra

:

E hãy nêu mối quan hê giữa 2 câu ca dao

“Vạn sự khỡi đầu nan” & “bần cùg sinh đạo tặc”

Bài làm

Vạn sự khởi đầu nan…

Gian nan bắt đầu nản…

Khủng hoảng bắt đầu run…

Bần cùng sinh đạo tặc

—————-

: Alo.! Coig ty FPT phải không ạk.?

.

: Dạ vâng, Anh muốn hỏi gì.?

.

: Tôi mún làm giám đốc của FPT

.

: Cái gì anh có bị điên không.?

.

: Dạ có, Thế ngòai tiêu chủân đấy ra còn cần gì nữa không ạk.?

——————-

12 năm cắp sách theo thầy! .

.

.

.

.

.

.

Năm thứ 13 xách cày theo trâu! kết thúc có hậu….

——————

Bố hét:Sao mày bị 0đ thể dục

§

-Con: Tại cô giáo bảo từ từ đưa 2tay,rồi đưa 2 chân lên

§

Bố: Thế thì đứg bằg ku àk

§

-con: cũg nói thế ))*

——————

Girl: A nên thay đổi cách ăn mặc đi, trông trẻ

con qá

Boy: Uk, a đổi

Girl: A nên cạo râu và hớttóc đi

Boy: Uk đc, để a làm

Girl: A đổi cách nói chuyện đi nha a

Boy: Uk, a đổi đc mà

.

.

.

1 tháng sau:

Girl: anh đã thay đổi quá nhiều,em không

thể bên a nữa. Mình ct nhé=>a khác hay e ác

—————–

Ngu + Nhiệt tình => Phá hoại

Ngu + Dũng cảm => Liều

Ngu + Lạnh lùng => Lì lợm

Ngu + Tự tin => Nguy hiểm

Ngu + Ngu => Vô đối

—————-

tí thẤy tèo đang ngồi hí hoáy viết tin nhắn

cko ai đó

Tí hỏi : mày đag nt cko aiđó?

Tèo : đag nt cko con em đại gja k pít mặt

Tí : ? Ai đó. Làm xao mày piết làđại gja ?

Tèo: tao nt cko nó 1 tin. Nó nkắn lạj 10 tin

tkỉnh thoảng 2 tin

Tí : cko tao sdt lw đj

Tèo : ôkê 1221

——————

E hỏi thật a đừng giận… một tuần a gội đầu mấy lần vậy.

.

.

.

.

.

– E hỏi làm a khó trả lời quá. Đáng lẽ e phải hỏi là: ” Mấy tuần a gội đầu một lần” thì mới phải chứ!.

——————-

Em đéo phải hàng dự bị =))

– Nên anh à !!!

– Anh đừng ảo tưởng là : Yêu hết con nọ

con kia…. chán rồi quay ra nói XIN LỖI

Đòi quay về với em

~> Đánh vần chử BIẾN Giùm em.

– Anh yêu nhé =))

PHỤ NỮ HIỆN ĐẠI LÀ ĐÉO Ỷ LẠI

VÀO ĐÀN ÔNG

—————–

Truyền thuyết kể rằg Araphat rửa bát cho Pharaông

|

Pharaông sờ mông Tôn Đức Thắng

|

Tôn Đức Thắng lại mắng Đàm Vĩnh Hưng

|

Đàm Vĩnh Hưng đấm lưng cho Long Vũ

|

Log Vũ là bồ cũ của Thu Minh

|

Thu Minh lại linh tinh với Minh Nhí

|

Minh Nhí sờ tí Đan Trường

|

Đan Trườg khinh thường Thanh Thảo =))

—————–

Ông Thọ tán tỉnh cô gái Hà Lan

.

-Lan ơi! A iu E

.

-Thôi đi ông, đã gay lại còn bày đặt!!

.

-A là boy mà ???

.

-Boy mà có sữa, laị còn bị tiệt trùng

—————–

Dự Báo Thời Tiết

.

Chường trình dự báo thời tiết cho đêm nay và ngày mai..!!

.

: Tại các tỉnh Miền Đông Nam Bộ. Đêm không nắng – Ngày vắng sao

.

: Nhiệt độ thấp nhất trong phòng ……… Máy lạnh là 16 độ.!

.

: Nhiệt độ sôi của………..Nước là 100 độ.!

.

: Tại các khu vực Tây Bắc Bộ có mưa rào rải rác và giông nhìu nơi……Nhưng chưa biết nời nào.?

.

: Tại vùng biển Ninh Thuận – Bình Thuận. Biển động nhẹ trên giường động mạnh, có lúc không động đậy… Hên sui..!!

—————-

Cuộc sống không phải lúc nào cũng có màu hồng. . .

]

Thế nên. . .

]

. . . Muốn thấy cầu vồng phải biết chấp nhận những cơn mưa.

——————-

Có hai ông lão A và B đi thăm quan 1 viện bảo tàng, trước mặt họ là tượng lực sĩ ném đĩa:

-ôg A: Sao thời xưa người ta lại làm bức tượng này nhỉ?:

-ôg B: Điều đó đã chứng minh rằng đàn ôg ngày xưa không thích………rửa bát

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